Waiting

They warned me that the two week wait (2WW) would be tough. But yikes, it is really tough!

Luckily I am working 7 days a week during the entire 2 weeks, so I am distracted quite a bit. Still, everytime I feel any sort of twitch in my body, I wonder. If I feel "normal" I think well, it must have failed. I notice every twitch, every possible symptom. I am trying so hard not to psych myself up for good news, but it is so hard. I am so tempted to start looking into baby names and good birthing hospitals and prices for doulas. I have thought about who I will tell during those first critical weeks (but who am I kidding, I probably won't be able to keep it secret from anyone who knows me at all).

But I know it's all so premature. I know that most people don't get pregnant on the first try. I know that there could be huge disappointment coming my way. But there is nothing I can do about it for another 8 days. So, I'm trying to relax and go on with my life as normal. Whatever that is!

I am also dangerously low on cash. I honestly don't know how I will come up with money for additional cycles. There are loan options out there that I will need to start looking into. Also, I am planning on moving to a new fertility clinic, one that treats me like a person and not a number, and one that doesn't charge me a fortune every time my Donor wants to donate. I've been really unhappy with my clinic; however, if I get pregnant on try #1 I will put it all behind me and give them only a raving review! But, one thing at a time.

I'm also looking for a higher paying job, hopefully combining my entertainment and attorney experience. I used to really want to practice entertainment law, but when I left my firm 9 years ago I swore I would never practice again. Well, that lasted for about 5 years and since then I have been switching back and forth between law firms and movie sets. Now that I am really trying to settle down and make a family, I am hoping to go back to my original plan of entertainment law. It would be a good happy medium (hopefully) for me; though I undoubtedly will miss the adrenaline rush I get from preproduction and production.

So, while I wait, I work, job hunt and catch up on my Mad Men episodes (love, love, love that show).