Note: This posted was originally written on Wednesday April 6

This is officially the fucking weirdest day of my life.

I am sitting in an office in San Francisco while my donor jerks off in the other room.

I am taking this month “off” from IUI/IVF due to a cyst, but figured maybe we could try an at-home insemination. I have been taking those at-home ovulation kits and yesterday tested positive. Generally that means you have about 24-48 hours to try to get pregnant. Soooooo I took the day off work and flew to San Francisco, where I met my donor for a quick drink and then we’re OFF.

Let me start from this morning.

First I had my now-weekly acupuncture appointment, where my acupuncturist hooked up weird electrical circuits to the needles to create a pulsing sensation near my ovaries. When I asked her what is in those Chinese herbs she prescribed to me, she said “magic”. Hmmm. I asked again. She said they work to heal the kidney and blood and organs and loosen the cyst. Yes, I said, but what are they made out of? The answer I got was “Chinese Herbs”. Very helpful.

Then it was off to see my Dr. I took a urine test then went in to the Dr’s office. He didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know, though he did provide me with a cup and syringe and told me to let the semen liquefy for 30 minutes before injecting it. When I was about to leave, we asked the nurse about my urine test and she said it was negative…..which makes no sense because it was DEFINITELY positive yesterday (I took 2 different tests, the store brand test and the fancy brand). So they asked me to give another urine sample. Um, I’m kind of pee shy and I was pretty much empty from peeing a few minutes earlier. So I sat in the waiting room and in the bathroom, sucking down tea and water and trying to focus on peeing (but not focus too much because that didn’t seem to work either). I swear I sat there for like an hour. At several points I knew I had to go but couldn’t because of the pressure. Anyhoo, after a tortuous hour I finally gave them my sample and this one tested, well, undetermined. Sort of positive though the lines were faint. Well, I decided to go ahead and do it anyway. Oh, and the dr charged me $240. For basically NOTHING. I’m kinda pissed but I don’t have time to think about it.

I get home only to find out that my flight has been canceled. CANCELED! That wasn’t stressful at all! Haha, yes, it was very stressful. I had to call Southwest to get a refund, then immediately book a flight on United (which cost $422 by the way, if you ever want to fly LA to SF on a couple of hours’ notice).

Finally a chance to walk the dog and get ready to go. Oh but I must mention the maintenance man, who I asked to come check out a problem in my bathroom. BECAUSE…….

About 2 hours after I left I got a call from my neighbor that she found my dog wandering along the street in front of my apartment complex! He must have gotten out when the maintenance guy was at my house. All I know is that he was definitely there when I left the house. Thank goodness for nice neighbors – I will bake her some cookies this weekend as a Thank You. If something happened to my dog I would just die.

Cut to several hours later, I finally arrived in SF, took the BART to the city and met my donor. We immediately went for a drink (well, he drank, I don’t drink) and are now back at his office (romantic, huh) where he just gave me his sperm in a cup. I am now waiting the required 30 minutes (OK I might cheat it to 15) then up up and away it goes.

More later.