Let's confront one of the biggest and baddest cliches about single mothers out there - that we all women with all-consuming, high paying, fulfilling careers that just never made time to focus on relationships.
WRONG.
We're not all straight out of an '80s movie, wearing boxy suits and one-inch pumps and trying to get ahead at the expense of the evil male coworker who wants to put us in our place. We are regular, ordinary girls who just didn't find "the one" in time.
As for me - yes, I did become a lawyer in my mid-20s and yes, I had the high paying job at a big law firm. But even then, I knew I wanted the whole package of marriage and children. I was ALWAYS ambivalent about being a lawyer - although I really and truly enjoyed law school, I never wanted to practice law and frankly, once I was in it, never enjoyed it or thought of it as my first priority.
I spent the second half of my twenties working at a corporate law firm and "semi-dating" a coworker. This guy was gorgeous, well educated, and a bit mysterious. He was a single parent at the age of 26, which actually was a huge turn on for me, as I didn't know any other young people with families and even then, I knew I wanted one. Well, it turns out he wasn't so mature, and frankly I wasn't so mature, and let's just say I spent (wasted?) a couple of years of my life pining over this totally unavailable man.
After a series of personal crises and a couple more failed relationships (let's just say my judgment in my 20s wasn't so stellar), I left the law firm life and headed back to grad school at the age of 32. Happily, the tables turned and I got more male attention than I gave, and even had a guy or two pine over ME for a change. I met several gorgeous, smart, funny, talented guys during that time, and had several short-term relationships with men who weren't "the one". As I approached my mid-30s, the panic set in and by age 39 I knew I was not going to find someone in time to have a baby.
As for me now, I have been TTC for the better part of two years while simultaneously trying to jump start my new career. I try to date but my heart just isn't in it. I'm actually quite content being single at the moment, and with the exception of the financial factor, am totally at peace with becoming a single mom.
My point is that we aren't all career-hungry vultures trying to break through the glass ceiling at the expense of our personal lives. We are human women who for whatever reason haven't found a mate in time, and whether or not we all have successful careers is irrelevant to this process.
And anyway, boxy suits just aren't my style.
1 comment:
This is so true. I am currently about to start "TTC" as a single woman and I totally reject the idea that the reason I find myself at nearly 39 never having been married or become a mother being because I just never thought about it until now. I've been dating since I was fourteen and have always wanted to have kids - when I was thirty I made it my mission to find someone that year and signed up on every internet dating site available, went out on a couple hundred dates, and didn't even get into anything remotely like a relationship despite making finding a relationship pretty much a full time job. I've tried actively looking, I've tried not looking (that's when IT is supposed to happen, right?), I've tried hobbies and social groups to meet someone, I've tried the internet, I've tried being set up, I've tried and tried. And unlike what men would love to think, I have not had legions of suitors knocking on my door as I reject each one for not being worthy. No, my last "boyfriend" was a 40 year old man who had no job, no car, nowhere to live, and no prospects. I think I've let my standards slip as far as they can go and still nothing. So what we're dealing with here is not a bunch of too picky, uptight, desperate women who had a chance at love and tossed it, but a bunch of smart, caring, thoughtful women who just never lucked out and met the right guy in the 15 or so year period when it's appropriate and possible to have children. So I say the heck with it - as I read once on a single mom blog, "I have the rest of my life to meet a soul mate, but I have one year to have a baby." I plan to start trying via donor sperm in March. Best of luck to you, can't wait to see how it turns out!!
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